I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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