Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
