So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
