Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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