have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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