Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
