cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
