Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
