I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
