Got a toothbrush?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
