you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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