actually, I'm a sock model
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
