a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
