i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
