i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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