My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
