When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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