Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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