He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
