At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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