just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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