Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
