Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well I can't set my house on fire every night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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