im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
