I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
