remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
