Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We just shotgunned beers for America
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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