duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
