Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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