i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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