A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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