I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
