i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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