Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
