Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
