oh god the rape fog is back!
I bet he comes in French.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
