im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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