i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
