your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
