it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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