Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
