would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
