oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
