god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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