I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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