you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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