Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She needs sedatives and a leash
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
