Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
