Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
