fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
