Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
